Procrastination: The Thief of Time

Procrastination: The Thief of Time

Procrastination is the Thief of Time. It makes easy things hard and hard things harder. The next thing you know, that easy thing has turned into a huge burden.

How many times do you say, “I don’t have time” or “There’s not enough time in the day to get everything done”? In my case, I say these things, uh, every day. 🙁

Today I realized that TIME is not the problem, I’m the problem. The truth is that there’s always enough time if we don’t befriend the thief, Procrastination. He seduces us with momentary pleasure and blinds us to the PAIN we’ll suffer when we needlessly delay. He lies to us about the ultimate COST to us in the future when we put something off.  Procrastination cozies up to you and whispers in your ear, “You can do that tomorrow, no problem.”

Tomorrow rolls around and you put it off one more day. Then you do it again, and again, and again, and the next thing you know it’s two months later and you completely forgot exactly what it was you were supposed to do. Or, you wait until the last minute and you have to drop everything else, be totally stressed out, and operate on little sleep. It’s hard to do anything, or do it correctly, when you’re irritated and sleep-deprived. Procrastination drives some people to drink or overeat. It can make one less than pleasant to be around.

One day you’re carrying around a marble in the palm of your hand. All you have to do is take 1 minute to put the thing away in its place. It’s quite simple, but you don’t do it. Then you wake up one day and find you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Before we procrastinate, count the cost. Procrastination is a liar and a thief. Just Do It!!!

Or, as we southerners like to say, “Git ’em done!”


Make You or Break You

Straight from the horse’s mouth! From a Judge who’s heard it all, here’s some priceless advice to help you avoid emotional turmoil, alienating family and friends, and spending unnecessary time and money litigating.


What’s Fair Is Fair

What’s Fair Is Fair

What do you do when someone treats you unfairly?

My dad always told me, “Kendra, life is NOT fair, ” and “the world doesn’t owe you ANYTHING!”

I hated it when he said that, and he said it a lot, because, I was always wanting “more, more, more” even though I had far more than I ever needed. I just didn’t see it that way at the time. (more…)

Is Today Monday?

Is Today Monday?

What do you do when life throws you a few curve balls?

Today I had a nice, organized list of tasks to accomplish. Before I even had a chance to look at my list, my mother had a crisis of epic proportions: she couldn’t watch ANY of her favorite shows because our satellite service provider is currently not carrying that particular network.

My morning was derailed.

What could I do about this problem?

Obviously, there’s not much I could do about the cause of the problem. I have no control over the two companies who are in contract negotiations and may or may not reach an agreement.

All I could do was figure out how I could respond to put out the fire. Unfortunately, I felt like I was wasting time when I could have been checking items off my task list, and it made me irritated.

The fact of the matter was that actually doing the things I had to do to help my mom by putting out the fire was not what irritated me.

It was the interruption of my plans and the detour in my day that got me out-of-sorts.

You may be truly having a crisis of epic proportions.

Do you feel like you’re suffering through a crisis that you don’t deserve and that’s ruined your dreams?

Did your spouse let you down when your marriage didn’t turn out like you had planned?

It stinks.

It’s not fair, it’s not right, it shouldn’t have happened. But, it did happen, so the question is HOW will you respond to this life-derailment? 

Will you make the necessary repairs, get back on track, and continue on, or will you remain a heap of crumpled, useless, metal?

I realized this morning that, on one hand, I could complain, snap at my mom for wanting to watch her TV shows, and blame the people who couldn’t reach an agreement to provide us with services we’ve paid for and expected to receive.

On the other hand, I could accept the fact that I can’t control the network or the service provider, I could do what I could to enable my mom to watch her shows, and then I could  get back to my list.

Complaining, blaming and lashing out at my mom wouldn’t change a thing. She still couldn’t watch her TV shows, and I would be even more worked up and annoyed.

As irritating as the whole interruption was, I had to deal with it, which is what I did. I’d like to sit here and tell you I didn’t complain at all and didn’t lash out at my mom. After 2 hours of trying to access her shows online and hook up my digital TV receiver that came with my internet, with another service provider, I was not a happy camper.

It was at that time that I realized I could either finish doing what I could to help my mom, or I could complain and blame. It was my choice.

Loss of a few TV shows is NOTHING compared to the loss of a marriage, family, and security.

However, the principles for handling these situations are the same.

It’s never easy when life doesn’t turn out as we planned.

We do have a choice: will we complain, blame, be angry and grow bitter, or will we do what we need to do to handle the situation the best way we can, accept it, and move on?

Social Media Sabotage

Social Media Sabotage

Remember the old adage, “loose lips sink ships”?

Today, loose fingertips blast ships into smithereens.

Tacky tweets, ferocious facebook updates, smutty pics, and malicious public posts can and WILL be used against you in a Court of law or otherwise.

On numerous occasions I’ve seen parents and spouses pummeled by their social media activities. If it’s on the world wide web, even if it’s shared with “friends only,” rest-assured it will resurface at the most inconvenient and embarassing times.

As good as it may SEEM to feel at the moment to go on rabid rants about the ex and the paramour, and as badly as you want others to see how “rotten” someone is,  it will come back to hang you. Instead, write it down on a piece of paper and then immediately shred it!

Sometimes people intentionally post things on social media about the other parent and the “other” woman/man for not only the whole world to see but also, more destructively, for their children to see. The consequences are disasterous on numerous levels.

When someone “friends” a new love-interest when they’re still married, that opens up Pandora’s box. I’ve seen “friends of friends” post all manner of incriminating tidbits that are gobbled-up and used to devour an opponent.

The list goes on and on.

The best way to avoid any temptation to destroy your reputation, relationships, and any hope of reasonably resolving your divorce or post-divorce case is to deactivate your social media accounts before, during, and for a time after your lawsuit.

Once upon a time there was no internet, and we all survived! We didn’t shrivel up and die from lack of social media connections. Actually, life can be far more pleasant when we take a break!

If you’re still recovering from the breakup of your marriage, shying away from or limiting social media while you’re healing can be tremendously beneficial.

Text messages, emails, and voicemail messages also can and will be used against you! My advice is to send messages with the knowledge that the Judge will be privy to them and will “judge” you accordingly.

And, by the way, if you request to re-schedule a Court hearing for a “doctor’s appointment,” tweeting that you’re doing something crazy during the same time that you were supposed to be in Court / at the doctor’s office doesn’t go over so well with the Judge!

What NOT to Wear—to Court!

What NOT to Wear—to Court!

Sloppy DressersI used to tell my clients to wear their “Sunday Best” to Court, and everyone understood immediately the message I was conveying to them. However, that phrase has lost its meaning in the 21st century. Now many churches allow worshipers to wear jeans, shorts, flip flops, etc.

The Courts still do have a dress code which must be followed. When you appear in Court, your audience is the Judge (or, in some cases, the Judge and the Jury). First impressions are crucial, especially when the fate of your future and your family is hanging in the balance.

While I personally don’t care what you wear on a daily basis and don’t hold your choices against you, I do care what you wear to Court, Mediation, Depositions, and other Official Proceedings.

My job is to help you to get the best result possible in your case. Studies have shown over and over that your appearance, as “unfair” as it may seem, greatly influences how others perceive you. If you look your very best, people are much more likely to believe you and are more likely to automatically attribute certain characteristics to you, such as intelligence, success, and credibility.

It is very important that you make a good impression in Court if you want to prevail in your case.

So, to clarify what I mean when I say you need to wear your “Sunday Best” to Court, here is a handy reference guide.

Please Do NOT Wear the Following Items:

• shorts
• jeans
• tank tops
• anything SLEEVELESS (your shoulders cannot be showing)
• anything showing your midriff
• anything low-cut or showing cleavage
• athletic wear, such as jogging suits, sweat pants, etc.
• tight clothing
• pants that are falling down!
• skirts or dresses that are short—they should hit just above the knee
• flip flops (and it’s best to shy away from sandals altogether)
• tennis shoes
• “flashy” jewelry or lots of jewelry
• sunglasses
• heavy makeup
• funky hair coloring (green, bright orange, pink, blue, etc.)
• face/mouth/nose piercings

What You SHOULD WEAR to Court:

For Men:

• if you have a suit and tie, that is always preferable
• dress slacks
• blazer/sport coat (if you have one) and a tie
• a collared shirt, tucked in, with a belt
• make sure you are well-groomed
(If you have long hair, please pull it back)

For Women:

• a dress or skirt with a conservative top
• dress pants or pantsuit
• light makeup
• modest jewelry
• make sure you are well-groomed
• please do not wear anything that reveals your bra straps

Other Important Tips for Your Trip to Court

The Following Items are NOT Allowed in the Courtroom:

• chewing gum
• food
• drinks
• cell phones
• electronic devices
• recording devices (unless prior Court approval is granted)
• knives, guns, weapons
• hats & coats (please take them OFF BEFORE you step into the Courtroom)

You Will Have to Go Through Security and Have Your Bags Scanned in Order to Enter the Courthouse. They Do NOT Allow the Following Items to be Brought into the Courthouse in Shelby County, Tennessee:

• knives, guns, or weapons of any type
• phone chargers and electronic cords
• eating utensils (such as forks)
• alcohol, illegal drugs and drug paraphernalia

The above items will be confiscated and will not be returned to you.

I Always Recommend Bringing With You:

• some cash and change for the vending machines
• a notepad and pen or pencil
• a cross-word puzzle or something to read, as you might be waiting in the hallway a long time before you are called into the courtroom (although “non-legal” reading materials are technically not allowed in the courtroom)

Don’t Forget to Turn OFF Your Cell Phones, Pagers, etc. BEFORE ENTERING THE COURTROOM!

It’s REALLY embarrassing to have your phone start playing a tune in the middle of Court. Sometimes it really infuriates the Court, and it will draw unwanted attention your way.

One Friday morning I was in a packed Courtroom. As the Court’s Docket was being called, someone’s cell phone began loudly ringing. Surprisingly enough, and to the relief of everyone in the Courtroom, the Judge reached inside his robe, pulled out his phone, and answered it!

Unless you are the Judge, please remember to turn off your phone.

© 2013 Kendra Hazlett Armstrong, Attorney at Law